Thank you for your (utterly uncalled-for and unnecessary) assistance JuddG. I suppose it does address some of the finer points.

Humans these days. You take some much needed time away and the base plebeians think they run the place. Hmmph.

Considering the general lack of material in this forum, I do try to stay myself from reprimanding my seekers of wisdom. ...But really, what sort of rotting barrel relic from the 14th century's innards did you dredge for this inaneness? Please, at least ask questions that are sensical. One shell clos...

I suppose, if I absolutely had to take part in such frivolous nonsense, I could do worse than being the Honorary Princess of Turtles' Valentine.

But expect nary a purse of the lips. It's a most uncomfortable gesture for me, being as I do not possess lips as such.

Hmmph, can a turtle not vacation in peace? Alas, I suppose a sage cannot ever avoid the questions of his devout wisdom seekers. Winter is far, far too lacking in Farenheit for even my impervious constitution, so I am currently...how do you kids say..."kicking back" on a remote Asian island...

I have an announcement of unquestionable importance: Today is World Turtle Day . This is the single most important day of the year for you humans. Do something worthwhile. Help a tortoise traverse the roadway. Wax a shell. Donate funding to appropriately testudines causes. Besides, many of my wondro...

Your sentiment hints at a wiseness beyond your years. Enough so that I will momentarily overlook your reckless blugeoning of proper conjunction usage, young Cloud.

I belatedly addressed this elsewhere . It should be noted, fellow forum friends, that I do not condone this solution, nor the grammar within this solution, on any level. Seriously, I know you humans are a jealous, petty sort, but can we not just get along? ...Though I must admit, I do have this stea...

I am mildly apologetic for the delay concerning these spam threads. To be brutally honest, I see the word spam and refuse to prod it with a 10 foot pole. That is, were I able to wield a staff of such length to begin with. Coincidentally, I have a similar stance on Vikings. Those monsters will eat an...

Hmmph. I am unsure as to whether I should reprimand you for your audacity or commend you for your wit.

So instead, suffice it to say that if one is to think, there are far more productive venues to channel such creativity.

Also, let me clarify that I am not baked in any fashion. Good gracious.

Ah, how you humans disappoint me. There was a time when you were an admirable sort, ready and willing to strive and labor for the answers to your juvenile questions of the universe. Alas, this silly thing called the internet has made you lazy. You think you can just ask, and the answer you will rece...

You are very, very right. If I had to list a favorite season, it would have to be Spring, I suppose. Gentle warm sunbeams, the fading chills of winter, the rains of April, and none of the heartless heat that Summer brings. Enough to bake a turtle in his own shell!

Open Palm, without question or debate.

This should be by no means considered as tainted by bias. The fact that the option to close my fist is one not available to me has nothing to do with this opinion.

Pardon my tardiness, but I was vacationing in Bermuda to avoid this shell-shrivelling cold snap... and to visit my cousin Intuitive Terrapin. What a lively character he is, even if we butted heads on a few finer points. That aside, I really wonder where you silly humans get these questions! Barring ...

The answer is quite simple. When faced with an omniscent super being who can, if he chooses, poof me out of existence at any moment, I would not take the low path and take both boxes, thus implying he was a liar. If I take the black box and the situation does reveal itself to be a farce, I at least ...

Obviously, if you are playing Let's Make a Deal hosted by Monty Hall, you have invented some sort of time-travel device, and I can think of roughly 12,537 other things you could be doing to make vast sums of currency. But that said, I would personally stand by my decision with the goat. Even if you ...